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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 2 of 2. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on March 17, 2006, at 20:25:17
I've actually started plugging the information I've found so far into my outline -- but now I'm paralysed, because I can't think of how to organize it. I hate this.
Now, when I sit back and think about it, I do know that it doesn't matter. The document can be edited. I can change the organization of the thing, once i get information into it.
But somehow I feel absolutely stuck. I have about four pages of notes, and I can't seem to get them typed in, because I don't know where they should go.
I tell myself, by the way, "They should go in the document, for now..." Doesn't help. Don't even try that, on accounta you know I tell myself that already. doh!
So, this is really only about my own self-doubt, and my own sense that I have to excel in order to be worth anything. And somehow, no matter how much I tell myself that I have some sort of worth that has nothing to do with the grade I get on this project, or even in this class, I still find myself paralysed, and filled with fear that it won't be Good Enough. And that that will mean that I'm not Good Enough. (Doesn't help that I have my mother's voice in my head, saying, "Remember, dear 'Good Enough never is'" Thanks Mom. I think I'd rather have inherited the good silver, but if you think psychopathology is a better thing to pass on, who am I to argue?)
I honestly feel, right now, as though I am intellectually backwards, for not being able to sit down and make this absolutely and stunningly brilliant first draft. I feel as though there's something everyone else understands that I don't, as though I was absent the day that lecture was given.
Mind you, in class last night, the two women behind me were talking about their grades, and they were happy with them -- 84% and 92%. I'm not quite satisfied by my 100%, now that I know I still missed a couple of questions. (Don't know which questions, though. I'll tackle the instructor to find out this coming week.) I know that I will do fine with this assignment. I know that I will probably end up doing a lot more than other people in the class do. I know that the teacher likes me, and that will probably color his grading. And I know that I'll do well enough on the other midterm and the final to make up for a lower grade on this if the worst does happen. I know all that. Just can't at all internalize it...
{sigh}
Posted by Gee on March 18, 2006, at 23:50:55
In reply to Argh! Paralysis! WHY?, posted by Racer on March 17, 2006, at 20:25:17
Wow, sounds like you're really worried about this essay. Have you made an outline? With the quotes and points and subpoints you want in each paragraph? That usually helps me get started. And from there it's just putting it into words. I also like writing my first draft in felt pen. The colours seem to make it fun. But, at least you have your notes done. And at least you have ti started... more than I have done
This is the end of the thread.
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