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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on March 26, 2011, at 9:08:53
Does she look like a keeper?
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 26, 2011, at 21:44:33
In reply to Therapygirl - How is T3?, posted by Dinah on March 26, 2011, at 9:08:53
So far, so good. She got freaked out by the schedule I keep this week. And she asked me lots about being angry with T1 (been there, done that), angry with Dad (not there yet) and why I can't seem to find time for myself. So we'll see. I told her I had expressed my anger at T1 in the entire year before she left. She seems to think that I still have some anger issues. I really don't. I still miss her, I'm grateful she's still in my life, I wish it was different, but it is what it is.
How are you doing? I've been thinking about you lots.
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2011, at 9:04:11
In reply to Re: Therapygirl - How is T3? » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on March 26, 2011, at 21:44:33
She just hasn't been with you long enough to realize that you aren't more like, well, *me*.
A year. Ten years. I think I'd always feel anger and resentment towards someone who abandoned me. Who made me feel as if they didn't care for me as much as I wished they did. That doesn't mean that if the relationship had been positive enough that I wouldn't have mostly kind thoughts about them. It wouldn't even mean I couldn't be friendly with them. But my feelings would have forever changed, and not in a good way. Under the sorrow at the loss, there would always be a small (or large, or complete conflagration) coal of anger - perhaps narcissistic rage. I'd hope it didn't influence my behavior. I'd hope that I could still feel all the good things, and appreciate what I could have. But it would still be there somewhere.
That may be how she's thinking, and you may have to explain to her that you aren't as narcissistic as your friend Dinah. :)
As much as I love my therapist, and hope that I long appreciate all the things he has given me, I think I'll always hate him at least a little for not loving me back... enough. He was my therapist/mommy. I never really was his therapee/daughter even though he said I was.
I think I may still vaguely resent my father and my beloved dog for dying. Even though I caused the death of my beloved dog in an accident. Over thirty years ago.
Which is just how it is. I'm trying not to judge myself for it. Feelings just are.
Posted by Dinah on March 27, 2011, at 9:19:43
In reply to Re: Therapygirl - How is T3? » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2011, at 9:04:11
To be clear, I adore my father and my beloved dog.
I think of them each and every day in every way that I can, so that as long as I live they will in some sense be alive as well. I have their pictures on my viewscreen and around my house, and even on articles of clothing.
I only wish I were a great writer, or a great artist, so that they would "live" forever, as the Mona Lisa, or Mr. Darcy, or Scarlett O'Hara Butler live on forever.
It's just that that doesn't preclude a small core of resentment that they left.
Posted by floatingbridge on March 29, 2011, at 15:51:42
In reply to Re: Therapygirl - How is T3?, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2011, at 9:19:43
(TG, please pardon....)
Dinah, I just read the last post of yours thinking you were a great writer :D, though not to your reckoning on par with Woolf or others, maybe; then, when those books are gone, where do they live?
The reader makes them live. Then they only belong to the reader. That is to say, Woolf wrote them, you loved them into yourself. Like your father and dog. Woolf was very much a writer of lights and shadows. Like what some of us experience in life and in loving. The imperfection.
Keats wrote something about his life being spelt in water....
How does one hold on to the emphemera of life, our own selves?
I think of thoughts, my writing, as webs of meaning, spun from spider silk.
This does make life challenging. All this letting go business....
> I only wish I were a great writer, or a great artist, so that they would "live" forever, as the Mona Lisa, or Mr. Darcy, or Scarlett O'Hara Butler live on forever.
>
> It's just that that doesn't preclude a small core of resentment that they left.
Posted by TherapyGirl on March 29, 2011, at 20:25:12
In reply to Re: Therapygirl - How is T3? » TherapyGirl, posted by Dinah on March 27, 2011, at 9:04:11
You give me too much credit, Dinah, and you don't give yourself enough.
I am disappointed that she doesn't love me or miss me as much as I love and miss her. But it is what it is and she does love me and she is still in my life. I believe it's worth it to me to keep her in my life on this more limited basis. Yes, I still feel angry at times, but it's not the primary emotion that I feel for her and I don't feel the need to process it anymore. I'm aware of it and I'm aware of the reality of the situation.
I'm probably not making much sense. Ten years ago I probably wouldn't have been able to deal with this transition. But one of the things we worked on a lot in therapy is my believing in connections that I couldn't see and touch. So I feel like I finally believe that -- that our connection survives the distance and the disparity in our relationship.
Posted by floatingbridge on March 29, 2011, at 20:30:49
In reply to Re: Therapygirl - How is T3? » Dinah, posted by TherapyGirl on March 29, 2011, at 20:25:12
Therapygirl, since I'm eavesdropping, (sorry, I thought T3 meant cytomel), that sounds good to me--. Your status. That you can remain connected over distance. Gives me a little inspiration.
Good luck and best to you.
fb
Posted by Dinah on March 31, 2011, at 20:02:31
In reply to on permancy and other fallacies.... » Dinah, posted by floatingbridge on March 29, 2011, at 15:51:42
I suppose there is none. I just wish there were.
This is the end of the thread.
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