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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 19:11:09
I'm getting him... nothing.
Nothing really comes to mind.
I've felt rather uneasy about therapy lately. Nothing serious. Just uneasy.
I think there's a fine line between a therapist being real and a therapist being too real.
On the other hand, it may be me. I may just not be feeling connected.
Posted by backseatdriver on April 2, 2009, at 19:20:13
In reply to Anniversary tomorrow, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 19:11:09
>I think there's a fine line between a therapist being real and
> a therapist being too real.Exactly.
Before I saw your message, I saw the subject line, and what I thought was: I hope she didn't get him anything.
Not out of spite, but because it seems like the relationship is so deep, how could you find the right thing?
(I am growing a crop of garlic that I am going to give to my T this summer right before his vacation. "To keep the vampires away," I will tell him, on my way out the door...)
BSD
Posted by raisinb on April 2, 2009, at 19:27:10
In reply to Re: Anniversary tomorrow, posted by backseatdriver on April 2, 2009, at 19:20:13
Gifts are hard for so many reasons. I admire the courage you've had in the past, giving him things that are meaningful. I haven't gotten there yet. But it is certainly okay if you don't feel like giving a gift this year and this sounds like a good opportunity to talk about your feelings about the therapy.
It sounds--from your posts--like you've been vaguely uneasy about your therapy for awhile. What do you think triggered it? (I apologize if you've written about it and I missed it).
Happy anniversary :)
Posted by seldomseen on April 2, 2009, at 20:20:29
In reply to Anniversary tomorrow, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 19:11:09
I'm beginning to suspect that there must be a conservation of closeness in the universe, as you feel apart from your therapist, I've never felt closer to mine. I'm sorry I took your closeness.
Seriously though, what do think is at the root of this unease?
Seldom.
Posted by Annierose on April 2, 2009, at 20:28:42
In reply to Anniversary tomorrow, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 19:11:09
Happy Anniversary!!
I think it's okay not to bring a gift every year if one doesn't easily come to mind. And when you find or think of something that you would like to give him, you can give it to him then.
Congratulations for all your hard work.
Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 21:37:19
In reply to Re: Anniversary tomorrow, posted by backseatdriver on April 2, 2009, at 19:20:13
:) I'm never inclined to give my therapist anything but a foot to the rear when he's going away.
In the past I've given him very small token gifts that represent something that's going on in therapy. Last year I gave him a small river pebble to represent how therapy had slowly (very slowly) changed me over the years.
It did take me a long time to pick out just the right pebble.
I think two other years I gave him something small.
But there are no themes running through therapy right now, so a gift wouldn't flow from our work.
Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 21:43:58
In reply to Re: Anniversary tomorrow » backseatdriver, posted by raisinb on April 2, 2009, at 19:27:10
Thank you!
I'm not entirely sure what's going on.
My history doesn't support the idea that once I feel secure in someone's affection, the relationship means less to me. On the contrary, I usually wallow in safety and good feelings like a pig in slop. But then I don't usually pay for my relationships....
It did occur to me though. Why is it that just as I truly feel cared about, I suddenly stop feeling as attached? I *love* feeling cared about. Is it that revolting "growing" thing? I hate growing.
I really hope I'm just in a mood and that it passes.
Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 21:50:00
In reply to Re: Anniversary tomorrow » Dinah, posted by seldomseen on April 2, 2009, at 20:20:29
I'm glad you're feeling close. :)
It might be totally me. I feel stuck in my head, in my rational side, a lot right now. I don't always like myself that way. Attachment is probably harder, though I feel very attached to my husband and son.
But it's also possible that the scale has tilted a bit too far to him being a real person and not my therapist mommy. The last couple of weeks, I've seen him as a "person". Not a therapist/person, but an all too real and mortal person. He needs to keep some magic to be able to be my therapist/mommy. And, well, sometimes I am brought a bit too much to awareness of how very different we are. I've not necessarily been liking him very much lately. The love I feel for him should be rising about now to make the things that aren't necessarily likable seem at least endearing. If that makes sense...
But still, it always has risen in the past. And it's not right now. That's got to be me, not him.
Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 21:52:09
In reply to Re: Anniversary tomorrow, posted by Annierose on April 2, 2009, at 20:28:42
In some ways it seems like more has been accomplished this year than in the previous thirteen combined. Of course my therapist would say that the work was being done all along, and now everything is just coming together and the changes are more visible.
At least I think he'd say that. He once read what I wrote about him and said the therapist in my head is better than he is.
Posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 22:05:11
In reply to Re: Anniversary tomorrow » Annierose, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 21:52:09
It's weird.
He's referred to the Wizard of Oz a couple of times this week. I'm halfway expecting him to shrug his shoulders and say something lame about it being me all the time.
Of course to some extent it's true. He is who he is to me because I imbue him with that power. If he's magic, it's at least part because I have made him magical to me. That's part of what transference is I suppose. And I've always been aware of it. But that doesn't mean I'm willing to give up the wizard.
Posted by raisinb on April 3, 2009, at 11:05:56
In reply to Re: Anniversary tomorrow » raisinb, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 21:43:58
Sometimes I confuse being insecure with being deeply attached, because I have so much anxiety and longing and sadness and loneliness that it *feels* so deep. Maybe truly deep, secure connections don't take so much emotional agony, and that's a good thing.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 3, 2009, at 20:30:38
In reply to Anniversary tomorrow, posted by Dinah on April 2, 2009, at 19:11:09
How did it go? Did it feel okay? Did he remember, or did you bring it up?
All I do is ask questions lately! I think my latest 'enthusiasm' ( :-) ) is curiosity about everyone and everything...or maybe that's lifelong and I just allow it "out" more often lately. Good way to keep the focus off my stuff, anyway.
Hope the anniversary passed comfortably.
Posted by 10derHeart on April 3, 2009, at 20:33:28
In reply to Re: Anniversary tomorrow » Dinah, posted by 10derHeart on April 3, 2009, at 20:30:38
This is the end of the thread.
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