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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lemonaide on September 1, 2008, at 1:50:22
I think I am going to ask him about this. But I find it frusterating lately. It seems like he forgets some of our major sessions where we talk about very significant things.
For instance last session we were talking about this local college, the one that I want to get into for grad school.
Well he forgot that I want to go for my Phd. in psych. We talked about this so much, the difference between Phd. and PsD. U mean he agreed to be my mentor after therapy to help me become a better T.Then another is my GPA, when I first saw him it was 4.0 and we had many talks about this, the pressure, the perfection, and missing out on life to maintain the 4.0. Then I missed my concert and I got a C in a class that brought me down to a 3.9, and how I feel better that the pressure is off, etc. Well about a couple of months ago, he forgot that my GPA was that high and why I needed it to be high so I can get into grad school.
Then we had this major emotional session, the one where I told him why I wanted to meet with my old T to work things out. The session that convinced him that maybe it would be a good idea, and that he would talk to him and feel out the situation Well it was before the his vacation where he had the heart surgury. When he came back, he didn't remember why I wanted to meet with my old T.
So I am wondering if his memory is affected by his surgury, being put under. I know when my daughter had her heart surgury, she forgot her math facts for awhile.
It is getting frusterating because I feel like he has forgotten most of our sessions and what they were about for the past year. I feel like he doesn't know me. I can see forgetting small stuff, but this stuff was the major stuff we worked on together.
Is there a way I can bring this up delicately? My usual approach is a very straight forward approach, but I don't want him to get upset.
I really like this T, and have been working for over a year now, he is helping me with some very hard issues right now but how could he forgot such major issues we have discussed? Am I being too hard on him?
Posted by JayMac on September 1, 2008, at 2:24:55
In reply to Something is bothering me about my T, posted by lemonaide on September 1, 2008, at 1:50:22
> I think I am going to ask him about this. But I find it frusterating lately. It seems like he forgets some of our major sessions where we talk about very significant things.
I can relate. My T is awesome, but she's asked me my age like 3 times. I find it hard to believe that she doesn't remember something as basic as my age. She doesn't remember some important details about what I remember saying about my past/history. I jokingly made a comment about it, and since then she's gotten better. She does remember subtle things I say and then she refers back to it weeks later. That always makes me feel like she's listening. For me, I especially need her to remember what I say, because I grew up in an environment where what I said did not matter. My mom is in such a mental state that she does not retain 95% of what I say when we speak on the phone. It breaks my heart to hear her ask me about something that I know I've told her about many times.
How does the experience of your T not remembering relate to what has happened in your past/present?
> Then we had this major emotional session, the one where I told him why I wanted to meet with my old T to work things out.It sounds to me like you feel your T has let you down by not remembering all the pertinent parts of your being, of your life.
> Is there a way I can bring this up delicately? My usual approach is a very straight forward approach, but I don't want him to get upset.
I think it's best to be honest with him. Tell him that you feel like he is not meeting your need to be heard, to be remembered, and whatever else you may be feeling. I recently told my T that I need her to be thinking about me in between sessions and that I think she will forget about me. She understood and told me that she would not forget about me.
I do NOT think you are being too hard on him. I think you are being too hard on YOURSELF as demonstrated by the fact that you feel you have to be perfect. You don't have to be perfect to get into graduate school.
I completely understand that these sorts of things are definitely not easy to bring up. But the acts of bringing it up, speaking about it, and dealing with it that are all at the very core of the therapeutic relationship. It may be hard to see this now, but I'm positive it would make your relationship stronger for you to tell him how you are feeling.
Take care,
JayMac
Posted by Tamar on September 1, 2008, at 16:07:38
In reply to Something is bothering me about my T, posted by lemonaide on September 1, 2008, at 1:50:22
Oh yes, the forgetting! I've had some experience of that phenomenon. My therapist has occasionally forgotten some things that were so important to me (and to our work in therapy) that I was incredibly upset and hurt.
It sounds to me as if there are several strands to your distress. At one level maybe you want him to remember your aspirations for grad school, partly because you've put so much work into your studies, but also because psychology is his professional field and you've asked him to be your mentor. So you've made a connection that has both personal and professional aspects, and it must hurt that he doesn't remember.
And not remembering your high GPA... well, obviously you want him to remember how well you've been doing. Maybe you want him to be proud of your achievements. I certainly would, if it were me.
And I can see why you're upset about his forgetting the emotional session in which he was persuaded that it might be a good idea for you to talk to your old T, especially because he'd agreed to feel out the situation. He forgot not just an important aspect of your work together, but also something he'd agreed to take responsibility for. Yeah, that would hurt me too.
The heart surgery might be the reason for his forgetting. Maybe because of the anaesthetic, or the stress, or the interruption to his work, or all those and other things combined.
I don't think it's a matter of being too hard on him, and you probably shouldn't worry about upsetting him. But I do think you should talk to him about it. Maybe you could say you've noticed that he has forgotten some things that are really important to you, and you're feeling hurt and distressed, but also concerned for him because it's unlike him. From everything you say, he's a good therapist, and he should be able to handle it sensitively and professionally.
Posted by Maria01 on September 1, 2008, at 20:41:10
In reply to Something is bothering me about my T, posted by lemonaide on September 1, 2008, at 1:50:22
Oh, definitely. Especially if he had open heart surgery and they used a bypass machine(the heart is stopped and all the arteries, etc. are connected insead to a heart-lung machine so the surgeons can work on the heart)..some doctors refer to it as "pump head", an unkind term for some of the short-term cognitive changes that people will have after undergoing heart surgery using the heart/lung machine AKA "pump". Memory loss and "fogginess" with certain details are real common after heart surgery.
In all honesty, I don't think he will be put off if you are straightforward with him..it may prompt him to write himself some reminder notes that he can refer to while recovering. You can frame it from the perspective of being concerned for him(which is true..you are concerned for him) and taking it from there. I'm sure his other clients have noticed as well.
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