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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on June 17, 2008, at 3:16:15
I'm having a bit of a disagreement in therapy. (I know that shocks you)
I had a huge melt down last week, almost out of nowhere. I felt needy and clingy with my therapist and at the same time, I wanted to quit therapy because I felt he couldn't give me what I wanted. But I didn't know what I wanted! After a couple of sessions of working on this, and a very long weekend, I realized that some of what is going on is that I'm mad at myself because I've been so triggered by physical therapy.
I'm rehabing my knee. And last week the PT added in an exercise where I lay on my stomach and he stands behind me, holds down my leg and I have to bend it up. Most of my PT has been done in the main part of the office, with other people around and the other staff. But this exercise has to be done on a bed, so I'm in the back office, pretty much alone with this guy. And he is a really nice guy, but still...I hate this exercise. It hurts and I'm tense as hell. I feel small and scared. I don't want to be touched and I really don't want to be touched when I can't watch the person who is touching me.
I finally told my therapist about this today. And I told him I was really mad that even after all this therapy, I'm still triggered off like this. I've been trying to push through it and deal with it, but inside my head I'm screaming. My therapist shook his head and said, "you need to tell him you can't do this exercise. Tell him you don't like to be touched and could you work on finding something else to do instead of this particular exercise." He even suggested I ask for a woman PT. I stared at him like he was from another planet. Say "no"? Admit it bothers me? I thought I was supposed to tough it out - get used to it, etc.
My therapist said I need to be kind to myself. That what I needed to push through was my fear of saying "no" to someone and asking for something different. I argued that I need to get over this. He argued that I needed to be kind to myself and compassionate with my younger self. He gave me a lecture about PTSD and said that I had to accept that there would always be triggers; my job was to learn to avoid them and to minimize those that I couldn't avoid. He gave the lecture gently and spoke softly. And then said he suspected something was going on and was glad I told him. He very, very gently said we should talk about the memory being triggered - when I'm ready to tell him. It is a very bad one - brutal and scary. I told him he doesn't really want to hear this one.
I'm not convinced yet that he is right. I'll have to think about what I think is going to happen if I say "I don't like that" or if I ask someone not to touch me. But I do love that I feel protected by my therapist and that he is OK with me using the connection I have with him as strength in some of these hard situations. I just wish there didn't seem to be so many hard situations.
Posted by Annierose on June 17, 2008, at 7:11:30
In reply to What is the right thing to do?, posted by Daisym on June 17, 2008, at 3:16:15
I'll say it again, I'm so glad you have your wise t. Yes, why didn't I think of that? Of course you can tell your PT guy that this particular exercise makes you feel uncomfortable. How come it's so logical but we both didn't think of it? Most people would say "NO". But we think we need to please people and do what they tell us or we will disappoint them and/or they will think negatively about us. That is not true.
If we are going to the movies and I want to see "X" and you tell me that you had no desire to see "X" and prefer to see "Y", I'll say, "Okay, let's see Y." It doesn't affect our friendship. Instead, sharing your feelings helps us makes decisions both of us are comfortable with.
Consider this practice ... difficult practice. PT guy will not think twice about your request.
Your sense of safty is more important anyway than what PT thinks.
Posted by seldomseen on June 17, 2008, at 7:27:44
In reply to What is the right thing to do?, posted by Daisym on June 17, 2008, at 3:16:15
I'm sorry Daisy. I understand how you feel. I really do. I won't go into my triggers except to say they are very common among CSA survivors.
I don't think you necessarily have to say "No" to your PT exercise. It might help your knee to recover. I do think, however, that you should talk with your PT and let him know that this makes you uncomfortable. If he is receptive to that I would let him know why and see if he could suggest either an alternate exercise that will achieve the same effect. Perhaps you two together could work out a plan.
I am continually surprised at how people can be very kind and very accomodating - but only if you give them a chance to be. (Not everyone, but most are without being put out at all).
I also hear what you say that you wish this wasn't an issue any longer. It's like we have a chronic disease that continues to rear its ugly head. I too wish it would just go away.
But it's not and right now this is the space in which we move and live. We've certainly earned the right to have people accomodate us and our bodies - don't you think?
What I say in my head to lighten things up is "hey baby, that's how I roll". It's true AND it cracks me up.
Seldom.
Posted by rskontos on June 17, 2008, at 12:26:08
In reply to What is the right thing to do?, posted by Daisym on June 17, 2008, at 3:16:15
Daisym, my T and I had this discussion too. He said that there would be triggers too. That it would be hard to get rid of all of them. For instance, the grocery store is a huge trigger for me out of the blue. And we have never found a reason for it. It has with time and xanax gotten better. I have had about 5 panic attacks there. I can't stop going but boy do I try to. My H goes for me when he can. My T said the same thing yours did about trying to avoid them and to say no when I can.
I do realize what you mean about trying to tough it out. I did with the grocery store I had too. But with the PT there probably is a different exercise that will do the same thing but in a different way. And Rome wasn't built in a day so you are doing to Therapy and have been but the work you are doing now isn't probably as far reaching. And some triggers outside get to stuff that you do not get to in the therapy office itself.
I sense that like myself you withhold a good bit from your therapist. It is harder for him to help isn't it. The right thing who the heck knows. This is what I told my therapist I don't know the right thing for me. If you don't want to be touched in the manner this PT was touching enough said. And only you can tell him or her this. I do think that finding a different exercise for now is best thing and maybe gradually working on the other over time. But for now, it doesn't seem you are ready. As for me, I would not want someone going there either. I liked the kind of PT where he gave me handouts I went home and I did the work at home on my own. No touching. Otherwise, I would have been out of there.
I hear you about the tough situations. Good luck
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on June 17, 2008, at 12:52:06
In reply to Re: What is the right thing to do? » Daisym, posted by seldomseen on June 17, 2008, at 7:27:44
Perfect answer to me as the knee physical does need to get better. But there may be an alternative excercise. I don't think I discuss reasons just ask if there is another excercise that can accomplish the same thing. Love Phillipa
Posted by antigua3 on June 17, 2008, at 13:46:32
In reply to What is the right thing to do?, posted by Daisym on June 17, 2008, at 3:16:15
I'm with you on this one. I would find it very creepy to be in a back room on a bed with a man. It would trigger me greatly.
In the past, I would have just shut up and taken it. I don't do tht anymore. When I had to see the dentist (which is a HUGE trigger for me), I just blurted out how difficult this was for me because of csa. The dentist was wonderful. I had about six months of really extensive work done (because I had put off going for so long) and he never mentioned it to me, or his staff, but he was exceptionally kind and caring.
My gyn knows of my history and when I had to have surgery (twice), she took care of telling the anesthesiologist for me. They were also very considerate, without mentioning it.
You may not feel comfortable doing this, but you can certainly tell him you're uncomfortable with this exercise and would like to replace it with another.
You have rights, Daisy!
antigua
Posted by Happyflower on June 17, 2008, at 17:45:02
In reply to What is the right thing to do?, posted by Daisym on June 17, 2008, at 3:16:15
((((Daisy)))) sorry it is so hard
When I had physical therapy 3x a week after my car accident, I got so sick of people touching me. While the massage felt good at the time, it hurt the next day, and it went on that cycle for months. It made me depressed to feel so physically bad.
I can see how this is triggering you, especially if it is something you haven't worked on in therapy. I am sure once it is worked on (at our own time and pace), it will help this trigger of whatever memory it is bringing up.
I kinda agree with you T, you should mention something that you don't feel comfortable anymore with this, there are other exercises I am sure they can substitute. I am sure you are not the first to have felt this and not the first to say something. I have a feeling it happens a lot because of the nature of work they do. It is so personal.
Posted by Daisym on June 18, 2008, at 14:25:48
In reply to What is the right thing to do?, posted by Daisym on June 17, 2008, at 3:16:15
Thanks for all the replies. It seems that we all struggle with this in one way or another. The questions around politeness and personal boundaries and making another person feel bad get confused for me. I keep trying to remind myself that there is arrogance here - assuming that me speaking up will impact another person. They probably don't really care - I over think things.
But I'm working on it!
As a wee bit of irony, the hotel I'm staying at has offered me a free-massage in their new spa - as a way of thanking me for attending the conference. Another theraputic opportunity, right?
This is the end of the thread.
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