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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sunnydays on June 29, 2007, at 21:49:01
I'm not missing my T as much this time he's on vacation. Maybe we prepared better this year, maybe I've grown more this year. But I have been feeling absolutely wonderful most of the time, and there have been no big catastrophes, so I have had no reason to get really upset. I get a little anxious feeling every once in a while that he won't come back, and earlier tonight I got super freaked out that I can't remember what he looks like and that therefore he doesn't exist. And I worry he's going to killed on vacation and no one will know for ages. All sorts of things.
But I've been doing largely ok so far. It's only been four days since I last saw him, so it may be a little early to tell, but so far things are going well. What's with this change, when just last week I was crying almost the whole week because he was going to be leaving? It's nice, but weird...
Any ideas?
sunnydays
Posted by TherapyGirl on June 30, 2007, at 6:02:07
In reply to it's interesting..., posted by sunnydays on June 29, 2007, at 21:49:01
I don't really have any ideas, but I can tell you that I have had very similar experiences with my T's vacations. Sometimes I think it will be okay and it's horrendous. Other times, I worry and worry in the weeks beforehand and it turns out to be just fine.
I think a lot of it has to do with whatever space I'm in with her before the vacation. If I'm feeling either particularly connected (but not traumatized) or pretty disconnected, it's usually okay that she's gone. My T is also on vacation this week and it feels okay to me. It actually feels like a break might do us some good, as we've been struggling for months now.
Posted by Honore on June 30, 2007, at 9:23:15
In reply to Re: it's interesting... » sunnydays, posted by TherapyGirl on June 30, 2007, at 6:02:07
First of all, congratulations on doing so well, sunny! It's great that you're feeling relatively stable, especially when it hasn't been that way before.
Maybe you're finding that you've made more progress than you'd realized in connecting to your T. Not that there might not be harder days, or harder vacations-- but that some fundamental good connection is really starting to solidify. That's so important.
I often have the experience of being terribly sad and even devastated before my T goes away-- and then feeling so incredibly sad when we say good-bye. Then, after he's gone, I realize that I'm okay. It's the moment of saying good-bye and the fear of what it might symbolize, or begin-- and all the memories of bad losses. But when he goes, I realize I haven't lost him in the old way. He's staying with me-- sometimes more than other times, but in a way that he didn't in the past.
This sounds like that to me. It's a strange thing-- definitely-- but maybe not so uncommon, once that connection has started to grow.
Honore
Posted by Dinah on June 30, 2007, at 10:56:07
In reply to it's interesting..., posted by sunnydays on June 29, 2007, at 21:49:01
I find the same thing. And I think I agree with the others. As the connection grows we both feel very sad and scared when they leave, yet are able to hold on better to them when they're gone.
Usually anyway. :)
Posted by DAisym on June 30, 2007, at 15:14:05
In reply to it's interesting..., posted by sunnydays on June 29, 2007, at 21:49:01
I'm glad you are doing well and moving through the vacation. I find that when he is gone, I can focus on the good sessions and the overall connection and not so much the details or angst of the last few sessions. And the anxiety of "having" to go is gone, so that can feel good too.
I think missing someone we know will return feels sad but not traumatic. When our fear of losing them is sky-high, the separation is too much.
Stay busy and be good to yourself.
Posted by sunnydays on June 30, 2007, at 18:09:10
In reply to Re: it's interesting... » sunnydays, posted by TherapyGirl on June 30, 2007, at 6:02:07
Thanks TherapyGirl. I was really connected before he left, so maybe that's it. Although today I've been sad and missing him all day, and I can't shake it. But I think that's a consequence of having too much free time. Hard to find enough things to keep myself occupied.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on June 30, 2007, at 18:10:21
In reply to Re: it's interesting...sunnydays, posted by Honore on June 30, 2007, at 9:23:15
Yes, he is staying in my head more. But I've been really sad and missing him today, so I'm not feeling the elatedness anymore. Although I do still feel really strong, much stronger than I've felt before.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on June 30, 2007, at 18:10:51
In reply to Re: it's interesting... » sunnydays, posted by Dinah on June 30, 2007, at 10:56:07
Usually is important... because today I was so sad. But that's ok.
sunnydays
Posted by sunnydays on June 30, 2007, at 18:11:45
In reply to Re: it's interesting... » sunnydays, posted by DAisym on June 30, 2007, at 15:14:05
Thanks Daisy. I'm trying to stay busy, but it's hard. Going to color now I think because it'll be something to do and I think my little girl part is sad today.
sunnydays
This is the end of the thread.
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