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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Daisym on March 16, 2007, at 10:13:35
Since we are sharing dreams this week - I thought I'd share a kind of dreamfest.
I've dreamed on at least 5 separate occasions in the past two weeks that I've killed my therapist. In one, I'm in a session and I look over and he is dead in his chair. Just sitting there, dead. And I don't know what to do because I'm not supposed to touch him, so I can't do CPR and help him. (When I told him this one, I reassured him I would do CPR and he said he was glad to hear that.)
In two of the dreams, I've hit him with the car leaving the parking lot. These were accidents. I also dreamed about running over myself as a little girl in a forest. Interestingly when I first told him about the forest dream, I told him I ran him over, not myself. Any Freudians out there?
And there were two dreams where I killed him with sex. In one, there was this whole elaborate conversation in his office about why he should have sex with me. I convinced him that it didn't matter, since I was going to die anyway. He finally agreed and then he died, instead of me. In the other one, I don't remember much, except that we were in bed together and he suddenly dies. I just worked up the courage to tell him about these two dreams on Wednesday.
In all the dreams, no one comes and tells me he is dead, I just know it.
Of significance, this week I lost his picture. I've had it for almost three years and suddenly I can't find it. He said, "so you are killing me off and now you've lost me. Hmmmm"
I'll wait to post the discussion of the dreams and what he thinks. I will tell you that talking about the sex dreams was hard, because he felt the details were important. I couldn't just get by with "we had sex"-- ug.
So what do you think?
Posted by pegasus on March 16, 2007, at 11:43:11
In reply to More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 16, 2007, at 10:13:35
Wow, Daisy. This is amazing stuff. Thanks so much for sharing. And I just wanted to say that I am impressed and inspired by your ability to tell your T about the dreams of killing him by having sex. That must have been excruciating, and I understand why you waited. But it's obviously really important, because you keep having these dreams. Your unconscious is doing its darndest to get you to work on something.
I hope your T is going to give you a new picture! I'd be heartbroken to lose a picture like that. It's *great* that you two can talk about it.
peg
Posted by mair on March 16, 2007, at 13:56:59
In reply to More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 16, 2007, at 10:13:35
>
"I will tell you that talking about the sex dreams was hard, because he felt the details were important. I couldn't just get by with "we had sex"-- ug.
>
> So what do you think? "I think you're incredibly brave. Maybe it's a good thing that I almost never remember a dream.
mair
Posted by Happyflower on March 17, 2007, at 14:58:04
In reply to More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 16, 2007, at 10:13:35
Yikes! I am not sure who would blush more, me or my T if I were to tell him of my dreams about him. LOL It is amazing how open you are with him and how he allows it to be a safe thing to talk about. I think this would cause a lot of T's to squirm.
Your one dream reminded me of one of my session where I asked my T if he would hug me if I broke down crying. He said no, not even if I had a seisure (it happened to him before), he would call 911 instead. Then I asked him, well what if he fell down and was unconscience, would he want me to not touch him (I am cpr certified)and just watch him die until the ER could help him. Well he laughed than he said it would be okay to perform CPR on him, but I wasn't allowed to kiss him. It was funny because it was the first time I saw him blush. LOL
Posted by vwoolf on March 19, 2007, at 16:01:00
In reply to More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 16, 2007, at 10:13:35
Hi Daisy, I'm really curious to know what you think and what your t said. I've also had dreams like these and am at a loss to know what to make of them. Hugs V
Posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 0:26:50
In reply to More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 16, 2007, at 10:13:35
i am so sorry if it is distressing to you, but i HAVE to thank you... the thing about not being able to do CPR made laugh SO hard!! I think it's brilliant!
I am dying to hear about the discussion. You are certainly braver than I.
Posted by Daisym on March 21, 2007, at 1:39:45
In reply to More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 16, 2007, at 10:13:35
OK - the dreams.
Talking about the details was hard -- because he thought certain elements were important. Like: what kind of sex, who was where, that kind of stuff. At first I said, "we were having sex" and didn't want to tell details so he said "we were just going at it and I died?" -- I flinched and said, "yes, either I was very good or very bad." I didn't like his choice of words, but it did make me coughed up more of the details. He asked me if I felt powerful in the dreams, and that really wasn't it.
We agreed that my fear of hurting him was a big part of the dreams. Sex symbolizes a merging and I'm afraid of how deep I'm taking him into my memories. And I've been afraid of losing him, especially since there *was* a death in my family. Sex also is forbidden in our relationship, just like telling is forbidden- and the fear is that someone will die if I tell (me? my mom? my dad?) He sees this as me convincing him to have sex with him (to listen) because *I* will die -- and that is OK with me. But it turns out that listening to my stories (having sex with me) kills him instead.
And then we turned it around to me being all the parts in the dream and it is essentially the same. I'm killing off the part of me that is more and more accepting of the younger parts and pieces. And I'm getting to know myself more intimately (sex) and this is terrifying.
AND THEN -- he wanted to know if I had fantasies of what having sex with him would be like -- was there any part of the dream that indicated that it was pleasurable? Color me red -- but he was gentle and genuinely interested so it wasn't that hard to talk about. He has said before that we've done what lots of people never do who are having sex - we are intimate with each other and he knows that I need someone to go slow and be very, very tender, because he knows my history. And he reassures me that he will never demand anything from me, that we are talking about a fantasy and it is safe to talk about it. (easy for him to say!)
And about the picture -- he knows how much it meant to me so he gave me a new one and wrote on the back, "always feel me with you" and signed his name. So I'm good to go, for a little while, anyway. :)
Posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 11:54:47
In reply to Re: More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 21, 2007, at 1:39:45
wow. I am truly envious of the relationship you have with your T. I have never had that chance. It moves me to hear the tangible connection. I can only imagine the benefits for you.
oh god.. i am in awe of you being able to tell him this stuff too. How does a person get the b***s to ask someone point blank if they fantasize about having sex with them? wow.
what type of T is he? psychodynamic or something?
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 21, 2007, at 16:38:11
In reply to Re: More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 21, 2007, at 1:39:45
Daisy, you have a special relationship w/your T.
You had a horrific history and I am so glad you got a good T. I just wanted to add for posterity, that the stuff your T said needs to be taken in context of your relationship you have built with him, and the nature of what you went thru etc. Cuz if I were to read your post point blank, not knowing much background, well, even KNOWING background, and mebbe this is just me, I got a thing boout this I guess, but the details asked about would only be appropriate in a very special safe and trusting relationship. They would not be appropriate other wise.
Damn, not sure what I am trying to say.
It just was kindof freaky to me for some reason, but when it comes to sex stuff, well, guess it don't take much.
I'm sure glad you got the T you did Daisy. That he is so eithical and strong. You can learn from him and find the strong thats in you too.
Mebbe you can find the strong in you in the mother hen part of you? I tell ya, us moms, we can be pretty cheezy when it comes to our kids. Least when things are right thats the way it is.
I'm going in a hole here aren't I? I'll shut up now. Dunno if I got what I was trying to say right.
Take care.
Posted by annierose on March 22, 2007, at 22:08:27
In reply to Re: More Dreams, posted by Daisym on March 21, 2007, at 1:39:45
So happy he gave you another photo and wrote a wonderful message to hold near! I think he is so lucky to be treating you.
I hope all is well.
Posted by Daisym on March 23, 2007, at 0:47:04
In reply to Re: More Dreams//daisym, posted by gazo on March 21, 2007, at 11:54:47
My therapist is a psychodynamic/psychoanalytic therapist, using self-psychology techniques with a few other things thrown in. He truly believes in attachment theory and regression. I would not have been able to say any of that a few years ago. I had no idea when I started therapy what the differences were and why they might matter. Essentially, I lucked out.
As far as the questions, I guess I'm more surprised at therapists who don't ask questions, particularly when things are hard to say. Not that I think sex is important for everyone to talk about. And for sure I was shortening a session-long process so it sounds more bold and in-your-face than it was.
I know things are often really hard to talk about. But if we can push ourselves to risk it, the response is usually so forth it.
Posted by Daisym on March 23, 2007, at 0:53:10
In reply to Special T's, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 21, 2007, at 16:38:11
I think I understand what you are saying. That within the theraputic relationship, talking about my inner thoughts is appropriate. In another setting, it could be that someone perhaps did want sex, or something, from me and was using this sort of against me or to manipulate me.
No worries. My therapist is hugely ethical. He wouldn't ask me anything that would be harmful, at least not on purpose. And he would never hurt me. He promised. A long time ago I had a whole huge melt down around how much power he had because I was so attached to him. He said that this is a safe relationship, not like the past, and he would never, ever make me trade sex for his caring and support. I felt terrible that the thought even crossed my mind, but he said, "of course it did. I'm glad we can talk about it."
So I'm safe. Thanks for caring.
Posted by Daisym on March 23, 2007, at 0:55:09
In reply to Re: More Dreams » Daisym, posted by annierose on March 22, 2007, at 22:08:27
If I give you his phone number, will you tell him how lucky he is to be treating me? Lately I've been hard. :(
I'm away, so I'm very glad I have his picture. And his message. This time he told me he'd be careful with himself. It was the right thing to say.
Hope all is well with you too.
This is the end of the thread.
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