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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 4 of 4. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 11:45:18
I have been wanting to ask my T something, but haven't because I am afraid it is too personal or private. He is really open with me about his life, so maybe it might be okay. What do you think?
I want to ask him how it felt as a child growing up with parents who were in a terrible marriage(his words) . I don't know if there was abuse or not. Well his parents have been married over 60 years. I was wondering if them staying together offered him and his siblings stability even though it wasn't a good marriage. Was it worth it in his opinon, even if might have brought some sad memories. He and his siblings are all sucessful. I was wanting to get a up close view from somebody who has lived through it, not a text book story. How do I go about asking something like this. It does pretain to my marraige and my kids, and wondering if I should stay married for the sake of the kids, at least 9 more years, until they are in college. What do you think?
Posted by daisym on November 25, 2005, at 12:15:59
In reply to Is this too personal of a ? to ask my T?, posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 11:45:18
I think you should ask anything you want to in therapy. Heck, I asked my therapist if he was gentle in bed! But be prepared for "what do you imagine?" or half answers -- because by asking you probably won't get the answer to your situation, you will open the door to discuss the possibilities. And that should be very helpful. The fact that he shared so much already will help, I think.
He may give you a more professional opinion of what is good for kids and families. As kids, we usally want our parents to stay together, even in the worst situations. So his personal experience may not match his professional one. He sounds like a good therapist who can sort that out though.
I've struggled with this question a lot so if you want to talk about it more, I'm willing. But we should probably move that part of the discussion to the parents board.
Posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 13:45:33
In reply to Re: Is this too personal of a ? to ask my T? » happyflower, posted by daisym on November 25, 2005, at 12:15:59
> I think you should ask anything you want to in therapy. Heck, I asked my therapist if he was gentle in bed!
*****What?***** You actually asked him that? I don't think I could ever do that! LOL I like my imagination instead! LOL I sure he is only gentle when I would want him to be! :)
But be prepared for "what do you imagine?" or half answers -- because by asking you probably won't get the answer to your situation, you will open the door to discuss the possibilities.
He is usually very honest and open with me, becasue I see right through his shrink bullpuckey. It is easier for him just to answer my question, then for me to challenge him on his answers. LOL
>
> I've struggled with this question a lot so if you want to talk about it more, I'm willing. But we should probably move that part of the discussion to the parents board.
>When I get back from my lesson, I will post on the parents board. But the only problem, is it isn't a very busy board. But I would love to discuss it! :)
Posted by allisonross on November 25, 2005, at 21:00:39
In reply to Is this too personal of a ? to ask my T?, posted by happyflower on November 25, 2005, at 11:45:18
> I have been wanting to ask my T something, but haven't because I am afraid it is too personal or private. He is really open with me about his life, so maybe it might be okay. What do you think?
Since your t (as my t said: "I allowed you to bend the boundaries, and 'see'....me), then since he has allowed you to "see" him, and it does pertain to YOU, then I think it is okay. He will let you know if he doesn't want to answer, but I believe he will.
> I want to ask him how it felt as a child growing up with parents who were in a terrible marriage(his words) . I don't know if there was abuse or not. Well his parents have been married over 60 years. I was wondering if them staying together offered him and his siblings stability even though it wasn't a good marriage. Was it worth it in his opinon, even if might have brought some sad memories. He and his siblings are all sucessful. I was wanting to get a up close view from somebody who has lived through it, not a text book story. How do I go about asking something like this. It does pretain to my marraige and my kids, and wondering if I should stay married for the sake of the kids, at least 9 more years, until they are in college. What do you think?
As someone who stayed for 31 years, I can tell you that we can't go by somebody else's life, and the most excruciating thing of all, is making the decision.
I stayed because I didn't want to raise my kids alone, and got the divorce only after they were out of high school. I should have done it 20 years sooner, but I wasn't able to make that decision, because of the fear of abandoment, and a whole lot of other issues.
No matter what anyone else tells you, it is a lonely place to be, because no one can tell you what is the right thing to do.
It's a terrible struggle...I know.....I was in that situation.
Hugs n Love, Ally
This is the end of the thread.
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