![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Pandabear on April 3, 2004, at 17:03:18
My Therapist asked me in front of my psychiatrist if I was angry at them and I said yes. Now, Im scared to death because I dont know how to address it. Even though I said I was angry, Im really not angry at them. Im frustrated and scared but im angry at myself for not being able to agree with them. They feel Im bipolar...( i mentioned this in another post)...now, i have to go try and clear up why im angry at them...I made a quck decision to NOT come in to see them until I get my second opinion which is in less than 2 weeks..but now, I want to talk to my therapist to clear this up. The problem is...I have to sing on april 9th at my church and right now i cannot sing without bursting into tears...Im so worried that I will get up in front of the church and not be able to sing. If i knew that i would be able to clear things up for the best before I were to sing..then I would be ok..but i dont see that happening...I dont want my therapist to be annoyed at me for being rebellious about not taking my medicine ..and I dont want her to change the way she feels about me...(she tells me that she likes me and I like to know that people like me..) but, when she was talking to me...I felt like I was being attacked by both of them and it scared me. I didnt get emotional but she did remark about how she could tell I was on the verge of tears.
I want so badly to be able to get emotional with her and to talk it all out but i cannot...im so worried about loosing it with her or getting too emotional ..which i have done before but now that she is frustrated with me...it is awkward for me. I know she has my best interest in mind but Im so frustrated. Im scared that she will want to hospitalize me for not taking my medicine but im not a threat to myself or others. I just feel that my psychiatrist will throw me in the hospital because she is so frustrated with me. She was trying to reveal to me how bad my co dependency is. Every last sentence I had ..I was trying to care-take her or my therapist..and it was horrible..it was making me so self conscious...I couldnt even talk..It was like they were pushing by buttons wanting me to explode..and I want to Im just scared that they will put me in the hospital...I dont know what to do. Im really scared. :(
Posted by fayeroe on April 3, 2004, at 19:03:44
In reply to Scared to death, posted by Pandabear on April 3, 2004, at 17:03:18
I wonder if you could e.mail your therapist and explain some of this to her? I bet she would be receptive and you could work it out with her. Could you do that? Best, Pat
Posted by fallsfall on April 3, 2004, at 22:34:39
In reply to Scared to death, posted by Pandabear on April 3, 2004, at 17:03:18
Pandabear,
>Im scared that she will want to hospitalize me for not taking my medicine but im not a threat to myself or others. I just feel that my psychiatrist will throw me in the hospital because she is so frustrated with me.
*** Have either of them said anything about putting you in a hospital? In my experience it is difficult to get into a hospital unless you are suicidal. Not taking your medicine is not a crime - that is a choice that you can make. If you are not a threat to yourself or others, why would they force you into the hospital? I have never heard of a hospital admitting someone because their pdoc was frustrated.
From what you have said, I don't see any danger of you being involuntarily admitted to a hospital. Do you know where this idea started?
(Please also consider that if you NEED to be in a hospital, that being in a hospital is a GOOD thing. Hospital stays can be very helpful. I know it can seem scary, but I know that my hospital stays really did help.)
> Im frustrated and scared but im angry at myself for not being able to agree with them.
*** There is nothing that says that you HAVE to agree with them. You should only agree with them if you think that they are right. It is also OK to be angry with your therapist and/or pdoc. My therapist said a couple of weeks ago that he thought it would be therapeutic for me to be angry with him. Well, he got his wish on Thursday. But we'll work it out. Anger is OK - anger is fine. The question is what do you DO with your anger? I have no idea what to do with mine! But as long as the actions that result from your anger are reasonable, there is nothing wrong with anger.
I think that you should talk to your therapist. If you don't think you are Bipolar, then tell her why. Ask her to explain to you why she thinks you are. Tell her that you are afraid that she will put you in the hospital, and see what she says. I'm guessing that you have a lot more choices than you think you do. Your therapist can help you understand what is upsetting you so much.
P.S. Of course, my interpretation assumes that I know about what has gone on. All I know is what you put in this post and the previous one. If they have talked specifically about you being hospitalized, then my opinion might change. I just know that there are LOTS of times when I start freaking out when there really isn't any need to freak out. I'm hoping that this is one of those times for you - and that things really are fine. Good luck.
Posted by gardenergirl on April 4, 2004, at 15:04:44
In reply to Scared to death, posted by Pandabear on April 3, 2004, at 17:03:18
This sounds like a difficult situation. Is being angry and expressing it hard for you? I would imagine it would be even harder to face your T and your pdoc together. That might seem like they are ganging up on you. I don't think, based on your post, that they can hospitalize you for being angry, unless you threaten them and intend to carry it out. It certainly doesn't sound like that is the case with you.
It seems like their wanting you to accept the dx is related to taking your meds. Do I have that right? Can you talk a little more about this concern? Have you tried them and found them to be intolerable? Or are you more concerned about the meds being wrong if the dx is wrong?
Also, I hope you find some relief to your fear before the 9th. I can tell how important this event is to you. Can you try to separate the singing from your dilemma? Perhaps if you visualize them as separate parts of you, with separate boundaries or compartments, so that you can approach each event individually? Also, relaxation and/or meditation can help. Can you visualize yourself singing beautifully without crying?
Good luck, dear. I hope you find a resolution that is acceptable to all and is what's best for you. That should be the goal, always.
gg
Posted by Pandabear on April 4, 2004, at 16:32:22
In reply to Re: Scared to death » Pandabear, posted by fallsfall on April 3, 2004, at 22:34:39
My therapist has never said anything to me about being hospitalized. It was just something I was thinking about when I saw how unhappy they were with me..and they keep saying how unstable I am...yet I dont see it like they do. I need to talk to her to tell her what im scared about but that is difficult for me to do as well.
The problem with my anger and me is that when my buttons have been pushed to the limit, I explode. There is no telling how I would react in front of them because I consider them my "mom" and the way i react with my mom was not good. I would hate to show myself that way to them. Im not violent but I am hard to handle. Yet I feel that they want to see this. My concern was that if I do explode they might read more into that then necessary and that is when they could put me in the hospital...that was my concern...I agree that the hospital stays are a good thing..its just scary...hopefully they will never have to go that route....thanks for replying... :)
Posted by Pandabear on April 4, 2004, at 16:44:03
In reply to Re: Scared to death, posted by gardenergirl on April 4, 2004, at 15:04:44
My frustration with the meds is that I have taken seroquel because it has a mood stablizer and it is also for me to be able to sleep better..but they have me on it because of my being bipolar supposedly..and when i found that out i wanted to get off it because the side effect of being groggy and out of it ..unable to get out of bed in the morning was too much. I have to be at work at seven forty five in the morning and it was to hard for me to get up...BUT, if I can get to where I agree with them that I am bipolar..if they can convince me, then I will take the medicine and just deal with the side effects knowing that I have no choice...right now, I have a choice because I dont agree. (My Pdoc is telling me that she thinks im rebellious because IM not wanting to take my med...thats not it..even though I know im rebellious..and stubborn...I have a right to not take anything that I dont feel I need until i know why im taking it and until i have a full understanding. Im also concerned because I dont want to be putting something into my body that I might not need. Medicine for any mental illness is VERY POWERFUL..and If im putting seroquel into my body and there is a chance i might not need it..I dont want to take it...plus i dont want to be taking a medicine that is going to do more harm than good to me... Yet i do agree that the seroquel did make me feel better....I cant win.
As far as my singing goes, I have been able to relax from therapy...yet I did leave a message on the machine this weekend about wanting to come in either this thurs late afternoon...or this friday LATE AFTERNOON....I am singing at 12:10 so if we met late at like 5pm....i would be through with singing and could get upset all i wanted. If we met thursday...I could maybe work things out with her and get to a point where i felt I could carry on...but you are right about trying to seperate the two. I practice singing in my home and Im fine..its when I have to get up and sing in front of the church or when im practing in the choir room that I get upset...But IM practicing one last time this wednesday so we shall see.
Thank you for your advice and kind words...I feel like my life is just so full of drama. It is hard for me because my boss at work wants to always know whats going on with me and when im down, she doesnt seem to think that my problems are a big deal and she brushes them off like its nothing. It might not mean anything to her..and the bipolar issue might not be a big deal to her but it is to me..and i cannot get that through to her. It is nice to be able to get support from people that understand on this site... Thanks.
Pandabear
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Psychology | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.