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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 16, 2008, at 22:41:01
Is that I grew up in the shadow of a megalomaniac bipolar brother only 1 year ahead of me in school. Fancying himself the ruler of the world, or at least at highschool and the home environments he took special pains to compare himself to me at every opportunity. Look at pathetic little llurpsie with her loserly friends. Look at ME with my awesome popular friends. Look at pathetic llurpsie who plays the loser violin. Look at ME the awesome who is class president, president of the student body. Look at little pathetic llurpsie who has to study. I am gifted with genius IQ and took calculus in 7th grade. Look at ugly-duckly llurpsie, and ME with my charm and winning appearance being crowned homecoming king. Look at llurpsie with her dumpling physique and compare to me, a state-ranked tennis player. Look at dumb llurpsie and compare to ME with my 1600 SAT score.
Living well is the best revenge though. I ended up with lower SAT scores, but somehow managed to get a PhD. hmmm. And I am able to recognize my own limitations rather than expect the world to adapt to my skewed view of myself as the crowning glory of all humanity.
It sure is easy to slip back into that place where I had to be wily and secretive to hide all my happiness, lest it be stripped from me. Where I had to conceal the things that were important to me lest they be snatched away or denigrated.
Did my parents protect me? no, of course not. They were under the spell too. Their genius son and the second best, quieter, meeker, dumpling-er daughter.
-Ll
Posted by Sigismund on April 17, 2008, at 4:06:39
In reply to maybe one of the reasons I have low self-esteem, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 16, 2008, at 22:41:01
I was reading in a link put up by pseudo that....
Self esteem = Achievments/Pretensions
If you didn't have such a high numererator you could always have got your SE up by lowering your denominator, on which I am working.
I had a brother who knew everything.
Posted by Fathe on April 17, 2008, at 9:38:11
In reply to maybe one of the reasons I have low self-esteem, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 16, 2008, at 22:41:01
Oh llurpsie my heart breaks when I read a few of the posts here. One, because the pain these posts reveal is very emotional and familiar, and two, because I want to reach out and hug to try and comfort. Yours made me very tearful because it really hits home. A post from ClearSkies also hit home.
I am finding a comfort reading these because I feel I can open up here and people will understand. I know I have some depression going on too and I am dealing with it and going to go back on some medication for it. But llurpsie, your post revealed to me one of the major things that crushes my esteem.
I am third in a family of 4 girls. The oldest and the youngest naturally get their special station in the family but my sister (second oldest) and I have such an emotional battle going on since I was in my teens and it affects me daily (I am 53 now). We have had words of which some of hers I will never forgive her for. In addition, she admitted she is harder on me than my other 2 sisters but she cannot explain why. Around her I have become an emotional wreck - I do not like even seeing her on Holidays as the stress level I experience is not worth the visit. My hair is not right, my kitchen is not organized to her liking, if I do not feel well I am a baby, our jobs are in the same field but when she has a bad day she can be nasty, but not me ( and she should understand how stressful our field is), it is always something where I do not measure up.
She is not the sole reason for my low self esteem but your post, llurpsie, really made me think about my family and how they certainly affect me.
Thank you - I am learning alot about me here, which at times is not easy, along with meeting some very nice people.
Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 17, 2008, at 9:49:36
In reply to Re: maybe one of the reasons I have low self-esteem » llurpsienoodle, posted by Sigismund on April 17, 2008, at 4:06:39
> I was reading in a link put up by pseudo that....
>
> Self esteem = Achievments/Pretensions
>
> If you didn't have such a high numererator you could always have got your SE up by lowering your denominator, on which I am working.
but somehow I have taken on others' pretensions about what I should be like. Why?
>
> I had a brother who knew everything.and he had a brother who was pretty cool just the way he is.
-Ll
Posted by llurpsienoodle on April 17, 2008, at 9:55:21
In reply to Re: maybe one of the reasons I have low self-esteem, posted by Fathe on April 17, 2008, at 9:38:11
> Oh llurpsie my heart breaks when I read a few of the posts here. One, because the pain these posts reveal is very emotional and familiar, and two, because I want to reach out and hug to try and comfort. Yours made me very tearful because it really hits home. A post from ClearSkies also hit home.
>I am sorry that we have this in common, but it is so nice to meet you, Fathe. ClearSkies is a wonderful person. Her self-hatred is so so undeserved. She is big-hearted, smart, kind, clever and has a great sense of humor. She even has a special hat, and enjoys aromatherapy. I can go on and on... (((((cs)))))
> I am finding a comfort reading these because I feel I can open up here and people will understand. I know I have some depression going on too and I am dealing with it and going to go back on some medication for it.
These are hard things to admit to ourselves, and even harder to admit to others and reach out "I need help". Please take heart that you're not the first, or the last person to feel the way you do.
> But llurpsie, your post revealed to me one of the major things that crushes my esteem.
>
> I am third in a family of 4 girls. The oldest and the youngest naturally get their special station in the family but my sister (second oldest) and I have such an emotional battle going on since I was in my teens and it affects me daily (I am 53 now). We have had words of which some of hers I will never forgive her for. In addition, she admitted she is harder on me than my other 2 sisters but she cannot explain why. Around her I have become an emotional wreck - I do not like even seeing her on Holidays as the stress level I experience is not worth the visit. My hair is not right, my kitchen is not organized to her liking, if I do not feel well I am a baby, our jobs are in the same field but when she has a bad day she can be nasty, but not me ( and she should understand how stressful our field is), it is always something where I do not measure up.
>
> She is not the sole reason for my low self esteem but your post, llurpsie, really made me think about my family and how they certainly affect me.
>Isn't it amazing that they continue to have so much power over us? I didn't speak to my bro for several years. It was only when he had kids that I started to communicate with him. Fortunately he married a wonderful woman who seems to temper his out of control ego. She and I are trying hard to get older bro some kind of treatment for his bipolar. He refuses meds and therapy, despite the fact that he has quite the history of severe mental illness :(
> Thank you - I am learning alot about me here, which at times is not easy, along with meeting some very nice people.
>
>It's nice to learn from you too. I'm glad that I'm not alone. I just wish that nobody had to share what we share.
-Ll
Posted by Sigismund on April 17, 2008, at 15:31:04
In reply to Re: maybe one of the reasons I have low self-estee » Sigismund, posted by llurpsienoodle on April 17, 2008, at 9:49:36
>but somehow I have taken on others' pretensions about what I should be like. Why?
Our identities are fluid. We had all this neccessary nonsense about which fruit we liked (every boy gets to have a fruit of his own). Later we realised it was crap. I dunno if we're plastic but we need to fit in
Part of the charm of babies and little children is the calm impassive look they have as they absorb the world. They are learning machines and we are their laboratory. Anyway, I think that siblings and family constellation patterns have more effect on kids than the direct relations with the parents. Identity is a bit of a struggle.
My brother was sufficiently unbuttoned to actually say he knew everything...history of Vietnam, distances to all the stars, when he didn't know he pretended he did, what a pain.
The more interesting question is why one would want to fit in with such a jerk. I guess we have to make do with what comes along. Or we love everything until it becomes impossible.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Self-Esteem | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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