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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 7 of 7. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on July 22, 2006, at 19:55:01
This has been on my mind... In my eating disorders group therapy, a couple of the women have said things about worrying what other people think about their weight. I don't. My T, at the last meeting, said that it was brave of me to wear shorts, since I feel so fat. I don't feel brave, because although I do care what other people think, it doesn't bother me nearly so much as what I think. (And I think my thighs are huge and fat.)
And even with criticism -- although I do take in criticism of all sorts, it's still a bit removed if it's not something I worry about anyway. Sure, I'll suddenly realize that I should have been worrying my toes are weird all along, and then I'll worry about my weird toes, but if I looked at my toes as, say, cute, then it wouldn't be quite so hard to brush it off.
My husband, when we met, used to complain about my car, and criticise it. That used to bug me, but only because I like my car so very much. Every so often I do get a bit self conscious about it, and wish I had a nice bright shiny new one, but mostly I think it shows good character on my part that I'm continuing to drive my reliable elderly car, rather than replacing it only because it's older. (Although on days like today, I want to replace it with one that has a more powerful a/c, but that's a different story...) So, I guess some criticism doesn't get through.
The criticism that does, though, always gets a defensive reaction. And it's always because it's something I worry about, or criticise myself about.
My T's trying to teach me her two favorite phrases: So What? and Who Cares?
So, I guess my question to the rest of you is where do your standards come from? Are they internal, or external? Do you worry more about how others see you, or how you see yourself?
Any thoughts on this topic?
Posted by Adrift on July 22, 2006, at 22:02:14
In reply to Input from ourselves?, posted by Racer on July 22, 2006, at 19:55:01
>
> My T's trying to teach me her two favorite phrases: So What? and Who Cares?I need to memorize these
>
> So, I guess my question to the rest of you is where do your standards come from? Are they internal, or external? Do you worry more about how others see you, or how you see yourself?
>
> Any thoughts on this topic?I think I worry more about how I see me. BUT, are we really able to worry about what we think of ourselves without worrying what others think? That's where I get stumped.
Posted by Phillipa on July 22, 2006, at 22:23:54
In reply to Re: Input from ourselves?, posted by Adrift on July 22, 2006, at 22:02:14
I worry more about how I see me. When I get a compliment say on my hair I say what are you kidding it looks horrible. It does look horrible. See I just proved my point. Love Phillipa
Posted by justy0urlaugh on July 22, 2006, at 23:05:17
In reply to Input from ourselves?, posted by Racer on July 22, 2006, at 19:55:01
i was crushed to find out the people i loved thought i was ill most of my life..i had no idea.
sometimes i wish i stilled carried that ignorance.
i had such confidence ..
the wind has blown..my sail is motionless
Posted by Dinah on July 23, 2006, at 9:13:31
In reply to Input from ourselves?, posted by Racer on July 22, 2006, at 19:55:01
I think all information is useful information.
So that any input from myself or others is useful information. It can then be held up to scrutiny of various sorts.
Who was the person who told me this? Do they have an agenda? Are their values the same as mine? Do I respect them?
What was the basis for their saying this? Does the evidence objectively back up the conclusion?
And that would include input from yourself as well.
Posted by elanor roosevelt on July 23, 2006, at 11:57:18
In reply to Re: Input from ourselves?, posted by justy0urlaugh on July 22, 2006, at 23:05:17
>
> i was crushed to find out the people i loved thought i was ill most of my life..i had no idea.
> sometimes i wish i stilled carried that ignorance.
> i had such confidence ..
> the wind has blown..my sail is motionlessWho are these people who upset you so?
My GP told me "look, some people have high blood pressure -- you have depression -- work with it."
And Dr Seuss:Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
Posted by llrrrpp on July 23, 2006, at 15:28:41
In reply to Re: Input from ourselves?, posted by elanor roosevelt on July 23, 2006, at 11:57:18
Sometimes I don't care what others say, but this is usually because I believe that I am better informed than they are. (for instance, someone who says that I live in a dangerous neighborhood, and has never spent time in my neighborhood, or compared crime statistics in my area)
Othertimes I really care, because I value and respect someone's opinion. (like listening to my violin teacher give me constructive criticism)
Sometimes I'm just so touchy and sensitive, that any comment from anyone can really hurt-- and multiply that if the comment comes from someone who matters to me.
I'm taking "thick-skin-supplements" to develop immunity to mean people trying to get to me. It's called Fukitol and was recommended in psycho-babble by curtm a month or two ago. It's really cheap. After a while, you can just steal it from the stores, because you don't even care anymore. That's probably a good time to adjust your dosage downwards.
-ll
This is the end of the thread.
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