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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 10:07:37
To what extent does input from others influence your self esteem? From those you respect, I guess I should add.
Do you keep track of input from people you respect that contradicts your view of yourself? Do you respect them enough to think they might be right?
I think if I get tons of input from lots of different sources that something about me is not right, I'd have to take account of it.
But by the same token, I need to take account of those who tell me nice things about myself.
So, for me, just recently...
I was telling one of my bosses that I want to quit doing such a bad job at work, and so I need to divest myself of some of the work that is more than I can handle. He told me I wasn't doing a bad job at all, I was doing a wonderful job. I respect him enough to think he wouldn't lie, especially about something that is important to him. So I readjusted my statement to that I do a good job once I get to the work, but I'm doing a terrible job getting work done in a timely manner. He had no disagreement with that.
Has anyone else had positive input lately, or not so lately, from someone they respect enough to believe?
Posted by ClearSkies on July 19, 2006, at 14:07:42
In reply to Input from others, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 10:07:37
I will categorically discount ANY encouragement I receive from others if it conflicts with how I see myself.
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 15:59:13
In reply to Re: Input from others » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on July 19, 2006, at 14:07:42
Why is that?
I don't think I really understand that.
I always see respecting someone as including valuing their opinions. Not necessarily agreeing with everything they say, but definitely giving it due consideration.
Posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 18:25:17
In reply to Re: Input from others » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 15:59:13
I'm not saying it's not true of course.
I think maybe my post didn't come out right.
Posted by ClearSkies on July 19, 2006, at 21:09:50
In reply to Re: Input from others » ClearSkies, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 15:59:13
> Why is that?
>
I believe that if I don't measure up to my own standards, how could I possibly measure up to anyone else's?> I don't think I really understand that.
>
> I always see respecting someone as including valuing their opinions. Not necessarily agreeing with everything they say, but definitely giving it due consideration.Oh, I respect criticisms - I think I invite them. And I am very good at accepting critique with grace while face to face, and then thoroughly falling apart in private. I feel angry that something I've done has been judged not good enough, or detailed enough, or timely enough. Even when I realize - and I usually do - that the criticism is legitimate, I can't do anything but keep crying.
Posted by Phillipa on July 19, 2006, at 22:16:13
In reply to Re: Input from others » Dinah, posted by ClearSkies on July 19, 2006, at 21:09:50
There has to be a happy medium. Say thank-you when positive things are said and then think about them. They may be true and probably are as people tend to criticise more than hand out praises. Love Phillipa
Posted by Racer on July 20, 2006, at 0:21:50
In reply to Input from others, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 10:07:37
I take in ALL the criticism, even from people I don't respect, but I don't take in the postives unless they trigger something in my own view.
Man, I'm not expressing that well...
For instance, if someone says, "Wow! You made that shirt? That's great!" I don't take that in, I brush it aside. If someone were to say, "Wow, I really like the way you finished the seams," or "those are very good hand worked buttonholes," that I might take in. But that's because when I sew, I do take pride in finishing the seams, and in making my buttonholes by hand. (Although, frankly, I'm less impressed by my buttonholes. They're not great, although I am proud of taking the time to do them. Hand buttonholes are just better than machine.) So, if a compliment is more specific than general, that I take in.
Oh, and Daisy said that I wrote well, which I took in a bit. I think I write well, although I have doubts about it, and I respect Daisy's knowledge and experience. When she said that, I doubted a little less, and believed a little more. But it certainly wasn't an about face, just a little stronger foundation of belief in my ability.
I don't know -- considering I tend to focus on someone else's experience rather than my own, that's one area where I pretty much ONLY see my own. I know I'm fat, lazy, sloppy, don't try hard enough, settle for third rate work from myself, etc. So, if you say that I'm not those things, it won't come in for me.
Posted by cloudydaze on July 20, 2006, at 19:06:11
In reply to I'm more like Clear Skies, posted by Racer on July 20, 2006, at 0:21:50
I take in all criticism, even prom people I don't necessarily respect or even like...
It's hardest (most disturbing) taking it from collegues and teachers....and my mother(she knows how to kick me where it counts, so to speak...)
I have a hard time acknowledging compliments, especially from people that I know love and care about me, because i often think they're just being nice. If a teacher compliments me, I know it must be true...
I think we all need a LOT more self-esteem
<3 Self love <3
Posted by Bobby on July 21, 2006, at 22:53:00
In reply to Input from others, posted by Dinah on July 19, 2006, at 10:07:37
Athletes and musicians all say they do so much better when the home crowd cheers them on.
Posted by llrrrpp on July 22, 2006, at 16:57:36
In reply to Re: Input from others » Dinah, posted by Bobby on July 21, 2006, at 22:53:00
I have 60 gb worth of applause on my iPOD. I listen to it constantly.
Seriously, I always invite my friends and family to my concerts. i regret their presence up until the moment the performance is over. Then I can't do anything about it. Usually I get a lot of compliments. But it's SOOOOO hard to take them seriously, when I know that they don't usually listen to string quartets and stuff like that. But I'm usually relieved that it's over, and that I actually have friends who would show up to a string quartet concert to see ME! Amazing. In hindsight, I recognize that if I make my friends happy, I don't really give a fig about the rest of the audience. Perfection is an illusion in nearly all endeavors, save mathematics.
-ll
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