![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 8, 2003, at 16:56:44
In reply to feeling lost, posted by john26 on October 7, 2003, at 3:34:53
> i feel like my wife is dipping into an old pattern again. we've come through 3 years of therapy and meds that seem to have worked through her PTSD. we even moved back to canada for a year to deal with this. she got off her medication was doing well, even severed ties to her parents (they emotionally abused and controlled her all her life. well now we've back to a city we love (yes, she wanted to be here badly) and she's falling apart before my eyes again.
>
> the dr's put her on serroquel 50 mg, topomax 75 mg and lexapro 10mg. does anyone know about this combination how long till i get my wife gets her hope back?
>
> has anyone gone through this before? i talked to a psychologist that listed disassociative disorder and general anxiety as 2 keys. she had her take a 175 multiple question test. does anyone know about this test?
>
> needing a ray of hope, ben
Posted by ian24 on October 8, 2003, at 21:50:38
In reply to feeling lost « john26, posted by Dr. Bob on October 8, 2003, at 16:56:44
I took that test in College. I was an acoholic and was afraid to be honest so I kept lying on test so I wouldn't "look" crazy and get locked up. I'm no Doc but I think a real good PHD therapy relationship is better at figuteing out whats wrong than a test but I dunno
Posted by EscherDementian on October 9, 2003, at 2:14:22
In reply to feeling lost « john26, posted by Dr. Bob on October 8, 2003, at 16:56:44
You've come to a good place here for a ray of hope, Ben.
I haven't got experience with the med combo that your wife has taken, however i had similar PTSD relating to childhood and disintegration after years successfully off meds and severance of toxic family ties. This site was a godsend to me while i found the right pdoc and therapies. Would your wife consider visiting this site? Just being able to read anonymously and also have questions answered within days was a life raft for me. It also assisted my beginnings with my new pdoc.I'm sure someone will be able to answer RE: Seroquel, Topomax, Lexapro combo. or similar, soon.
If there's anything i can share about PTSD relating to childhood from my own journey/progress, i would be glad to- just ask. I think the forum for this discussion is PsychoBabble Psychological... if not, Dr.Bob will redirect us ;-)
Hang in there,
Escher
Posted by john26 on October 9, 2003, at 2:57:23
In reply to Help for feeling lostjohn26, posted by EscherDementian on October 9, 2003, at 2:14:22
thank you for sharing it does indeed help. especially your story. if i read it right you had to go back on meds after severing the ties?
i ask because my wife was off everything for about a month. then we moved and at the same time severed ties to her parents. it appears that her previous therapy focused more on childhood traumas from other people. but her parents abuse has really come to forefront now. of course the stress of moving to another country doesn't help.
the meds started a week ago and tonight we had a great 2 hour talk about high school experiences. but every other moment is about how she gives up. that this pain is her lot in life and that i should leave her for my own good.
i'm trying to get her to a new therapist here for the first time. right now she says she won't leave the house.
it doesn't help though that she also pain in all her joints that weakens her. it seems like her mom's voice prays on the pain and tells her that the US is bad for her and makes her sick. i think she gives up hope to quiet the inner battle.
how long did it take for your meds to help. how do you know when they're starting?
have you been resolving the issues with your family? was it new issues that caused the relapse or another stress?
i know for her she feels like every time she tries to do what she wants it won't happen.(her mother never allowed her to do what she wanted but she had to enjoy what the mother wanted)
thank you so much,
ben
Posted by john26 on October 9, 2003, at 3:00:35
In reply to Re: feeling lost, posted by ian24 on October 8, 2003, at 21:50:38
> I took that test in College. I was an acoholic and was afraid to be honest so I kept lying on test so I wouldn't "look" crazy and get locked up. I'm no Doc but I think a real good PHD therapy relationship is better at figuteing out whats wrong than a test but I dunno
it was the millon test. the doc called with some results and i must say it was pretty accurate. scary but accurate. i just hope the doc is the one who can help. she charges 150/hr and frankly if it's the wrong tree i can't afford the time or money.ben
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 9, 2003, at 19:17:02
In reply to feeling lost « john26, posted by Dr. Bob on October 8, 2003, at 16:56:44
[Posted by deirdrehbrt on October 9, 2003, at 18:39:46]
> Hi John,
> It is so hard to help someone when they feel they haven't any hope. I've been there before. There are times still when I feel like I don't want to do it anymore.
> Therapy is really hard work. Meds have so many side effects. No med can make you feel actually fine, you have to work really hard for every little step. Sometimes it really feels like I want to call it quits.
> So, what keeps me going? My kids, whom I love fiercely. I have one friend who knows what is going on in my life, and I thank God, or whoever is there for her. She doesn't let me quit. She tag-teams with one of my alters to try to keep me in check.
> What is in the way? I have a family who has no idea how sick I really am. They refuse to accept the life changes that I have needed to make. They will never beileve how hurt I was by the abuse I suffered. Even the X-rays of my broken bones are dismissed.
> Well, I want my life. That's what it takes. Sometimes, when I've been in the pits, I needed some time in the hospital. My friend had a hand in that more than once. In my case, when I saw no way out, I found a stay in a hospital helpfull. Not all hospitals are alike, and there are some that I definitely want to stay away from.
> I'm wondering if you think that you could talk to your wife about a hospital stay. If she is doing so badly that she can't get out of the hole, it might really help.
> Not every hospital is the same. Some are there for people who, like your wife, have significant issues, but who with a little help can get to a place where they realize that life is really worth living. Others though, like most state hospitals are for people who have deeper problems, may be somewhat violent at times, and need medication adjustments more than encouragement. Other people are treated here, but some of the more violent people can really scare some of us who have been victims of violence. The hospitals do deal with violent behavior really well, but having it happen around you can be really troubling.
> Please don't think that I am characterizing state hospitals as being full of violence, they aren't. I'm just saying that it is more likely to occur there than in a private hospital.
> I am also not saying that your wife should be in a hospital, but that if you and she thought that it could help, it might be worthwhile. Be sure to check out a hospital if you can, so that she would feel comfortable there. It's amazing the difference that such a stay can make. Just having the opportunity to isolate from the day-to-day worries of living, and to be able to focus on what is really troubling you makes a huge difference.
> Again, I'm not saying that I think a hospital is the best choice for her. It is something to speak to her therapist about, and to discuss between you and her.
> I really hope that she starts getting better. You sound like a very fine husband; not every man even notice when their wives are having troubles. Your wife is very fortunate. I hope for the two of you, that she gets the help she needs.
> Dee.
Posted by john26 on October 10, 2003, at 3:17:37
In reply to Re: feeling lost « deirdrehbrt, posted by Dr. Bob on October 9, 2003, at 19:17:02
thank you dee. we did see a therapist today and it was a struggle to get her there. but we made it and the doc actually had to come to the car and sit with her there. i think it helped a bit but i pray the meds will start helping soon.
ben
Posted by EscherDementian on October 10, 2003, at 8:09:24
In reply to Re: Help for feeling lostjohn26, posted by john26 on October 9, 2003, at 2:57:23
> thank you for sharing it does indeed help. especially your story. if i read it right you had to go back on meds after severing the ties?
>
Yes, after successful therapy and SSRI assistance, i was 3 years w/out meds. My Post Traumatic Stress Disorder regarding my family was triggered by the death of my father. My mother's manipulation patterns and unchecked abusive targeting re-entered my life and cumulatively caused me serious harm in my vulnerable state.
I have had to re-sever ties and deal with the PTSD with a new PHdoc and medical assistance.
> i ask because my wife was off everything for about a month. then we moved and at the same time severed ties to her parents. it appears that her previous therapy focused more on childhood traumas from other people. but her parents abuse has really come to forefront now. of course the stress of moving to another country doesn't help.
>
I know this may sound strange, but with a childhood full of trauma, sometimes being in crisis can be a more familiar territory than dealing with changes. It can happen unintentionally as a remnant of old defences that kept us "safe" then (but are no longer appropriate for _now_).
For me, it's been VERY important to be able to stay connected with supportive involvements through changes.
> the meds started a week ago and tonight we had a great 2 hour talk about high school experiences. but every other moment is about how she gives up. that this pain is her lot in life and that i should leave her for my own good.
>
My heart really tugs when i read this. I know this reality SOooo closely. I've even said the same, and at one low point, bought my own life insurance for my husband and friends to benefit when i was gone "for the burden my life's pain has been for them". i couldn't have raised my hand against myself in a suicide, but i had so given up that i would've welcomed a freak accident or to somehow waste away as 'dissipating worthlessness'. If she is in a state similar to mine, 'feelings' are undistinguishable from 'realities' or 'personal life assessments', and alternative perceptions are impossibly unrecognizeable.
> i'm trying to get her to a new therapist here for the first time. right now she says she won't leave the house.
> it doesn't help though that she also pain in all her joints that weakens her. it seems like her mom's voice prays on the pain and tells her that the US is bad for her and makes her sick. i think she gives up hope to quiet the inner battle.GOT to get her out to a Pdoc. The first time i went, i was ungroomed and burst out crying as soon as i opened my mouth. Let them see the worst. That's why they make the big bucks$, no?
> how long did it take for your meds to help. how do you know when they're starting?
>
It took the correct SSRI about 3 weeks->a month to allow me to retain any 'positive' feeling long enough to incorporate it into my life. Or, to be able to distinguish between 'feelings' and 'perceptions'. Unfortunately, my MHNP and i had difficulty finding an effective anti-anxiety or mood elevating medicine. But in retrospect, focusing on and fighting those side effects, even disagreeing with my doc, was a kind of reaffirming commitment to my right for my life to have wellbeing. That distraction (and ragging on and on here on PsychoBabble*) bought me some time until the right fit Pdoc and meds were found. I'll confess, the whole process took months. Our fragile selves are even more unique than when we are well.
I knew they were working when i could make choices again. About anything. i didn't necessarily 'feel good', but i could work on it.
> have you been resolving the issues with your family? was it new issues that caused the relapse or another stress?
>
Unfortunately, resolving issues in a traditional sense will be improbable for me. This has to do with another event that caused compounded PTSsyndrome.
A good 'emotional skills' approach in therapy has been teaching me how to resolve issues and self-devastating perceptions.<-(My Pdoc called some of them 'brainwashing')
> i know for her she feels like every time she tries to do what she wants it won't happen.(her mother never allowed her to do what she wanted but she had to enjoy what the mother wanted)My mother would hurt me and then become angry at me for being hurt. Then manipulate the 'story' to put me at fault. My father put the responsibility for protecting myself from her alcoholic unreasonableness and aggressive rages on my own ability to "not make waves". (i was a child and she was often violent). My younger siblings agreed with anything to keep out of her line of fire, and were smug that it was me and not them. Honest, these traumatic soul-woundings CAN be unwound. Our own intent for our own lives is more powerful than anyone elses influence or force. Perhaps more than your wife can imagine right now.
If it happens for her like it did for me, starting with small stuff, she'll be able to see that some small thing she wants to make happen is happening. And be encouraged by that. Or even just laugh at the silliness of the obvious. It's gradual empowerment.I've found that there ARE Pdocs or Therapists who can help immensely. If you are paying without insurance, I'd look for someone who can perscribe AND is interactively strong in teaching emotional skills & strategies, not just listening. i found that only re-telling or re-living it all for understanding was not productively healthy. Guidance in transcending traumas with now/present skills is key for me. The chem/meds have also been crucial in the beginning. And -believe it- keeping up with nutritional health with suppliments and a walk(at least) outdoors as often as i can. Yes, it really really does make a huge difference. Buddy up with her if she hasn't the will to do it herself. i didn't. And Humor is HUGE medicine.
Please forgive me for advising something personal? Keep your love for her steady-state, Ben. Sounds like you love her very much. Can you minimize any conflict that comes up between you for now? Until i had a grip, conflict demolished me. If you can, use non competetive methods if you two are at odds about anything.
i'm still struggling but it's happening. i don't feel like "a one legged reject in an ass kicking contest" anymore ;-)
> thank you so much,
> benHope it helps,
My thoughts are With you~
*In an unexpected way, insomniac sessions of being able to 'lurk' and exchange here, in my need-of-a-wash PJs and tangled hair was a bit of life raft...
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Medication | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.