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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by musil on October 30, 2002, at 7:26:35
When I take my prescribed meds for chronic pain and depression, I feel happy sometimes.
When the meds wear off, I am phobic of them and it takes my wife hours to run through the same logical arguments with me before I'll dose up again.
We do this every day and night. My fears are irrational and psychotic and exacerbated by severe chronic pain. I worry about being a true addict/junky because when I take the meds, I feel good.
Not high, just good -- but when depression and pain are the norm, I can't tell whether feeling "good" is actually a high, because feeling good is so much "higher" than depression and agitation, and I feel guilty about feeling happy.
Like last night after she convinced me to take my meds as prescribed, I felt a feeling of unbelievable joy when giving my son a bath. I'm so unaccustomed to being without chronic psychotic agitation and pain that the moment of peace I felt in the bathroom scared the hell out of me. I wanted to feel that way all the time and so made the illogical leap that my craving for feeling joy was a craving for the meds that allowed me to feel joy, therefore I'm on a downward spiral of hellish addiction.
Also, I get freaked out at the tail end of a script because I'm afraid my doc won't refill. Which is silly, because he always does.
The meds I'm talking about are well prescribed, do the job, yet have the potential for true addiction, and that scares me enough so that I refrain when I need.
Can anyone relate?
Posted by BrittPark on October 30, 2002, at 10:41:00
In reply to Med Phobia: am I high or just happy?, posted by musil on October 30, 2002, at 7:26:35
It sounds to my like your meds are not giving you adequate relief. If they were you probably wouldn't be feeling so med-phobic. Tell us what you are taking and those of us on the board can better address your problem.
In the mean time keep taking your meds. I know its a struggle for you to do so, but it is important that you do.
Feel Better,
Britt
Posted by musil on October 30, 2002, at 11:39:00
In reply to Re: Med Phobia: am I high or just happy? » musil, posted by BrittPark on October 30, 2002, at 10:41:00
10mg lexapro & 100mg seroquel before bedtime. Those meds I don't have a problem with, though the seroquel bugs me for health/TD/EPS potential.
I've got a damaged nerve from an old hernia repair that causes significant pain when I breathe. So maybe 3 times a week I'll take 5 mg oxycodone to get relief.
Diazepam is every other day at 5mg when I allow myself.
When I control my pain and anxiety, I feel joy and hope. I know I sound pitiful, but is that so wrong?
Perhaps my symptoms are not being controlled by medication; it's hard for me to say this but 100mg seroquel ain't cutting it for the aural hallucinations and there's a voice that gets through telling me to flush all my meds. Also, I purposely cause myself pain in that nerve-damaged area when I'm agitated.
what a dolt I am.
And now the upshot: we're all survivors, I'm proud of us. If I can be of any help at all to anyone through words of encouragement, let me know.
Helping helps. :)
> It sounds to my like your meds are not giving you adequate relief. If they were you probably wouldn't be feeling so med-phobic. Tell us what you are taking and those of us on the board can better address your problem.
>
> In the mean time keep taking your meds. I know its a struggle for you to do so, but it is important that you do.
>
> Feel Better,
>
> Britt
>
Posted by Krysti on October 30, 2002, at 14:16:46
In reply to Re: Med Phobia: am I high or just happy?, posted by musil on October 30, 2002, at 11:39:00
Hi musil,
It sounds like there may be more going on than just anxiety and pain. Have you told your doctor about intentionally causing the pain to be worse and about hearing voices that tell you to flush your medicine?
I can understand your fear of meds. I had anxiety for a long time and didn't take anything for it. Was also afraid of getting addicted to something, among other things. After years of suffering, I finally went on medication for anxiety and ended up becoming manic. Found out I was actually Bipolar (along with having anxiety). Just make sure you tell your doc all that's going on so he/she will have the necessary info to help you in the best way and with the proper medication.
Believe me, it is worth it to make the anxiety go away :)
Krysti
Posted by Fenny3 on October 30, 2002, at 19:27:11
In reply to Med Phobia: am I high or just happy?, posted by musil on October 30, 2002, at 7:26:35
Happy is good! I think you'd know if you were stoned. I can relate to your description of bathing your son. My best feelings are with my 15 mos dd. Sometimes I bury my face in her belly, and for the minute she'll tolerate something that close to cuddling, I feel so wonderful! Unbelievable joy, like you said. It's a little scary too, but there's no way I'm giving that up!
Don't be afraid to be happy. Easier said than done, I know. But you're right, we deserve it.
Fenny
This is the end of the thread.
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