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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by cramx2 on May 26, 2001, at 19:59:02
At 30 years old I’m finally learning that my serious depression and other mental health issues are a result of Trauma. I’m finally/ at times taking in the ability to understand in a real conscious matter
that I suffer from a childhood trauma, which I have diagnosed as a Dissociative Disorders Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS).It is not a type of trauma that is direct like child abuse, though hints of that may be there. After years and years of therapy I don’t have a real diagnosis. Even my pharmacologist told me the other day that he couldn’t label me with a real diagnosis and said I was atypical. After looking at a web page on The Spectrum of Dissociative Disorders: by Joan A. Turkus, M.D , I was able to conclude where I fit in. Well finally I feel a little better knowing this. I have spent the last 10 years of my life in and out of total mental hell never able to look at the heart of my problems, never curious to know but instead lost in it. Sure I still am lost in it, but at least I’m trying to deal in a more realistic matter.In any case I wonder how much of my trauma is a result of the major depression episodes I have been through when I was off my AD’s. I take Nardil and have been for about six years. I made a huge mistake this last year, when I had to go off my Nardil because I got kidney stones. This was the second operation I went through while being on Nardil. After the first operation I thought I could deal without the Nardil but then went into a serious depression and faced new issues of career and loneliness. After going back on Nardil, it worked but not that effectively. My self esteem hit an all time low and I was dealing all sorts of ways, not to say I hadn’t in the passed but god did I feel like a piece of shit, I still am dealing with that change. Then after three years I had to have the kidney stone operation and went through another major depression. After, I decided to try paxil again, which did wonders for me about seven years ago but pooped out. So I went back on it for about seven months and realized that I had to go off it because I was feeling so apathetic. And then boom, the worst most frightening depression I’ve ever had, forget about it, why I didn’t go in to a hospital and how I survived work without anyone knowing for 3 months. I’ll never do that again! So I go back on Nardil because we know it’s the probably going to work. ( I didn’t think anything would) and it does really well but now its starting to poop out and not help so much and my Dr. has added Risperidone, it’s only the second day. Generally in the last two weeks I have my ups and downs. I’m not really writing this about how good or bad I feel but was wondering people’s experiences, especially individuals who are aware of their traumas. I’m on this sight occasionally and see a lot of archived posts of people who are on cocktails and trials and so fourth. I don’t know if my awareness of my traumas is a bit sensational to me because of my more recent awareness of it or if a lot of the people who post on this sight are not to aware of there traumas because of how much they dissociated from it. I guess I feel lucky and afraid at the same time. It’s like when I’m not depressed so much or can raise my consciousness enough to realize that being not depressed is about not being dissociated, not "I’m not depressed, why can’t it stay this way" or " it feels wrong." I guess I’m appreciating it when I have it and wish I could tackle it, believing that over time I will get better. Can other people relate to their trauma in general and also traumas caused by severe depressive episodes that may literally cause brain damage from the episode and going on and off meds. I don’t think I have any choice when it comes to being on anything else but MAOI’s. I do worry about having to have another minor operation
Posted by Chris A. on May 26, 2001, at 21:06:26
In reply to Trauma/Major Depression and Ad’s, posted by cramx2 on May 26, 2001, at 19:59:02
>Can other people relate to their trauma in general and also traumas caused by severe depressive episodes that may literally cause brain damage from the episode and going on and off meds?
Yes, I can relate. Having severe depression or other any other major mental health issue is a major trauma in itself. One can have a wonderful upbringing, an idyllic life and still be traumatized by the illness - and sometimes the treatments.
Been there, done that. Still there.
I hope it gets better for you.
Blessings,
Chris A.
Posted by Anna Laura on May 27, 2001, at 6:19:24
In reply to Trauma/Major Depression and Ad’s, posted by cramx2 on May 26, 2001, at 19:59:02
Hi cramx2,
I've been there.First, I don't know wether this mail ought be redirected to psycho-social or not.
Second, my usual premise: english it's not my language: i studied it in college; i'm a northern italian living in Italy posting from oversea.
I've been traumatized from major depressive episode too (actually i was diagnosed with major depression with psychotic features).
Before that i didn't imagine that such a horror might actually exist.
It was something that went far beyond human emotional ranges.
It was like precipitating from a plane without a parachute, or being lost in space without a space shuttle, floating alone, aimless and desperate in the permanent night of the universe.
It was uttermost horror.
I had a second bout of depression a few months ago, but it was nothing compared to the one i had back in 1993. Back then, i have been lucky enough to meet a pdoc who cured me without going to the hospital.
I suffered from Coutard Syndrome, a rare syndrome with poor prognosis,(thinking the world is about to end, feeling your arms or internal organs are made of glass or stone or metal). I managed to overcome it.
I 'm not boasting myself a fighter or a hero, i guess i had been lucky, that's it.
When the episode resolved two years leater, i felt very uncomfortable recalling that experience.
I couldn't talk about it without getting anxious: i was shaking like a leaf and had cold flushes inside my head while i was talking about it.
I wasn't totally cured though: i had been able to come off meds (exceptional thing for psychotic depression: most of people have to take antypsychotic all their life through), still i felt sick, not really like my oldself, plus i had been traumatized from that terrible experience.
I wasn't given an antypsichotic, i was prescribed for tofranil at maximum dosage for my weight (i took 6 tablets of 25 mg: couldn't take more cause i was 95 pounds). I tapered the tofranil and i was able to get along without it.
I finally had gained weight and i didn't feel so bad after all.
Tha fact i have been cured so well and i had come off meds was kind of counter productive though: nobody would believe i had actually been so sick.
That really sucked cause i needed support and care: i was badly treated and fooled around instead.
People would go on telling me that i was plain lazy and that i was a spoiled brat.
"Everybody has depression during a life time: nothing exceptional occured to you"
"You should go back to work instead of resting like you're doing".
"Shame on you! You're laying around all day without doing nothing simply because your parents are rich, so you can afford doing nothing all day through" AND SO ON.That lack of support, that constant pressure whereas i needed to rest cause of the terrible battle i had undertaken in the past years, made me sick again.
Plus, i had a terrible trauma in that period: my ex-fiance discovered he had AIDS. I went to that f*****g hospital every single day.
It was a terrible stress: every morning i was there, and every time i got in that hospital unit i was afraid of nurses telling me he had died the night before. I watched people die in terrible ways, parents not willing to get in the hospital bed-room to give the last good-bye to their son 'cause were scared of the illness.Friends would tell me that my ex-fiancé knew about AIDS before getting engaged with me.
Because of that severe, prolonged stress, i had a second bout of depression: i felt like my jaws were made of metal and all that horrible stuff again. I took zoloft and got better.
A few months ago i had a second bout because of other severe pressures (too long to tell).
Right now i'm taking amytriptiline, levosulpiride and amytriptiline cloridate at night.
Feel better but still anhedonic (and still traumatized).
It might sound silly, but the key to overcome the trauma it's not thinking about; I guess digging inside the issue won't help : you just keep on focusing on the issue and get more traumatized instead. That's my humble opinion.
I noticed that if i make an affort and i go out with friends instead of staying home, endlessly and painfully ruminating on the trauma, i get myself distracted and when i come back home i feel more "normal".Sorry for being so long. I hope i didn't annoy anybody with disclosing too much private issues.
Take care
Anna Laura
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