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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 10 of 10. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Dee on November 12, 1999, at 22:08:35
Here again.
Just cannot live with myself... And every time I say to myself that I WILL come out of this place I have to ask what's the use? I will be lonely and miserable and eventually fall right back to where I am at...
I am tired, tired, tired after fighting for over thirty years... The woods ARE lovely,dark and deep... What else is there.. WHAT?
I'm too tired to write, I just felt I needed to come here because this is the only place I know where anyone can possibly understand the pain that is eating me from inside.Dee
Posted by Phil on November 12, 1999, at 22:25:49
In reply to Dark, dark, dark place... Deja Vu, posted by Dee on November 12, 1999, at 22:08:35
Dee,
Hear what you're saying-know where you're coming from.
I recommend a healthy dose of Natalie Merchant(Tigerlily), anice cup o' tea and write us in the morning.
It can get mighty deep sometimes. I had a night like that last night. Today? Eh, it was okay. I'll survive...we will survive!
Phil
Posted by JohnL on November 13, 1999, at 2:14:46
In reply to Dark, dark, dark place... Deja Vu, posted by Dee on November 12, 1999, at 22:08:35
Hi there Dee. If you'll check the time I made this post, it's about 3:00 A.M. The rest of the world is sound asleep. Neighborhood is dark and quiet. I'm not up at this crazy hour because I feel like a million bucks. Just the opposite. I've been in your shoes too often. I'm not that bad right now, but boy can I sure relate.
Is there anything you've found in the past to pass time? For me the only thing is to have someone go to the video store and get me a handful of action movies. I don't really 'enjoy' them, because I can't feel joy. But they do occupy my time and distract my focus from my misery. Passes the time. Seems to me the secret is figuring out how to pass the day one half hour at a time. Any bigger chunks of time is just too much to deal with. Overwhelming. You know what I mean? I know you do. Anyway, is there anything that works for you to pass the time?
Thirty years is such a long time. What medications have you tried? What about now? Wish I had some suggestions. Past history might help. In the meantime, just know you are one of millions to visit that dark dark dark place. It's not as lonely and deserted at it seems. And it is just a visit, not a permanent stay.
I hate it when people say, "Have a good day". Or, "Have a nice day". Or whatever. No such thing. So I'll wish you my favorite line which seems more appropriate, understanding, and compassionate, and sometimes achievable..."Wishing you a smooth day". :) JohnL
Posted by Noa on November 13, 1999, at 4:53:16
In reply to Re: Dark, dark, dark place... Deja Vu, posted by JohnL on November 13, 1999, at 2:14:46
Dee,
I have missed you, so I have to say I am glad to see you again but pained that you are in pain. You were one of the people who helped me so much when I first came to this board while in a desparate state.
Dee, you had been feeling better. Can you identify what triggered the darkness?
Posted by NHGrandma on November 13, 1999, at 5:29:24
In reply to Re: Dark, dark, dark place... Deja Vu, posted by Phil on November 12, 1999, at 22:25:49
Does being awake at 3 am frustrate you as much as me? I have ironed a dozen shirts and know that just when everyone else is getting up I will be tired. Does Xanax wear off in 5 hours? If so, why one night and not the other?
Dee, did something happen to put you in that dark place? Medication changes? Family conflict? Nightmares? You are not alone.
Posted by Annie on November 13, 1999, at 12:18:23
In reply to Dark, dark, dark place... Deja Vu, posted by Dee on November 12, 1999, at 22:08:35
Dee
Most of us here understand TOO well what you are going through. It's so difficult sometimes to find a reason or a way to come out of the darkness. We come here and we babble but somehow when someone is in pain we come together. During a recent encounter with "darkness, my old friend", people came to share and to care and that was enough to get me through one night. I was struck when I saw that Noa was going through a hell of her own but she still tried to help me. (Thank you Noa, I was too deep in the grip of depression to offer you a hand up, but I hope you know I wanted to.) Dee, here is my hand. One more day.
Annie
Posted by Bob on November 13, 1999, at 22:18:20
In reply to Dark, dark, dark place... Deja Vu, posted by Dee on November 12, 1999, at 22:08:35
> Here again.
>... The woods ARE lovely,dark and deep...And that's where you'll find the rest of us, too. You're only alone if you don't speak up. Even if its so dark you can't see your own hand in front of your face, some of us are close enough to hear you whisper.
You know, even if I never find my way out of the woods, knowing the company I keep (t)here is comfort enough, and then some.
be well, dee
Posted by Adam on November 14, 1999, at 15:03:47
In reply to Dark, dark, dark place... Deja Vu, posted by Dee on November 12, 1999, at 22:08:35
Dee,
It is difficult for me to read posts like this because I have felt exactly the same way.
It conjures up some very unhappy memories, and it also hurts to know that others like
you are suffering so profoundly from depression. We do care about you, as we have learned
to care for ourselves, and will do whatever we can to help. Just ask.As I have said before to others, I wish I could give you an assurance that your unhappyness will
end. I was convinced at one time that mine would not, and yet it did, or at least, it lessened.
So, all I can say is that it's possible to find relief, even after years of searching to no avail.
Don't give up the search or the struggle. Lonliness and misery are not the only possible outcomes.
Accept this as a truth and keep fighting. You are stronger than you know.
> Here again.
> Just cannot live with myself... And every time I say to myself that I WILL come out of this place I have to ask what's the use? I will be lonely and miserable and eventually fall right back to where I am at...
> I am tired, tired, tired after fighting for over thirty years... The woods ARE lovely,dark and deep... What else is there.. WHAT?
> I'm too tired to write, I just felt I needed to come here because this is the only place I know where anyone can possibly understand the pain that is eating me from inside.
>
> Dee
Posted by Dee on November 15, 1999, at 22:01:42
In reply to Dark, dark, dark place... Deja Vu, posted by Dee on November 12, 1999, at 22:08:35
Thank you all for being there.
Dee
Again, the forest is fragrant
the soaring larks lift up aloft
with them the sky that on our shoulders was heavy ...Rainer Maria Rilke
Posted by Bob on November 17, 1999, at 15:01:50
In reply to Re: A living proof - It *does* get better, posted by Dee on November 15, 1999, at 22:01:42
=^)
> Thank you all for being there.
> DeeThanks for reaching out.
Bob
This is the end of the thread.
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